Richelle Mead (blue_succubus) wrote,
Richelle Mead

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Reflections on movies about giant prehistoric sea creatures

You gotta be careful with dry humor. It gets easily misread, as shown in my last post about Transformers. I think some people thought I liked it a little more than I did. There were actually a number of parts (mostly involving the human cast) that I didn't care for. However, I stand by my delight and enjoyment of the over-the-top highlights mentioned before. Those were good times. I just don't plan on buying the DVD.

Still, I know some of you weren't enchanted at all by any part of that movie, and that's okay. Everyone has their own tastes. Fortunately, I think I've found something that all of you are going to like.

That's right. Finally, the most epic rivalry since ninjas vs. pirates can be settled. I honestly didn't know that ocotopi and sharks were natural enemies, but apparently these two giant-sized ones bore such hatred for each other that they were still fighting when the Ice Age came and froze them in time...until some environment-hating Navy guys came around with their sonar devices and unleashed these two prehistoric behemoths upon the world.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is more than a movie, really. It's an experience, one you get to have over and over again because they often reuse the same CGI footage of the octopus and shark. Aside from the plot--which is exactly what it sounds like from the title--this movie is also filled with heavy-handed political messages, including (but not limited to): global warming, Japanese internment in WWII, and Obama's message of change. It's got the usual monster movie cast of scientists and government agents, as well as some state-of-the-art camera shaking scenes which are explained on the special features section of the DVD.

Oh, yeah. The movie also has this:

Deborah Gibson. What's that? You don't know who that sultry Deborah Gibson person is? Here, let me refresh your memory:

Deborah Gibson is the new mature name of 1980s teen pop princess Debbie Gibson. Yes, that Debbie Gibson. The one whose pictures I tore out of Bop magazine and put on my wall. The one whose perfume I owned. And yes, the one I saw in concert (in Detroit, no less--a brave feat when you live in Western Michigan) when I was 11 and whose music fueled many an awkward middle school dance.

Debbie's come a long way since then, apparently--to my surprise--branching into acting. In this movie, she plays a rebel scientist who initially wants to capture and save Mega Shark and Giant Octopus but soon gets on board with the idea that the only way to stop their rampage is by having them destroy each other in a fight to the death. Alarmingly, Debbie was probably the best actor in the movie, though I think my childhood shattered when I heard her use the f-word and later (after some brief foreplay involving sexy science talk) dragged a guy into a janitorial closet and had her way with him. She also did an excellent job looking serious in many scientific montages, during which she and her colleagues knelt at eye level to a table and poured multicolored liquids from beaker to beaker.

For those who still aren't believers, there's only one thing left for me to do to convince you to go see this quality [released straight to DVD] movie. I realize this gives away some of the movie's intricate plot (and kids and people at work, there's a--yikes!--swear word in this clip), but I think this will pretty much sum up the main vibe of the film.

Keep in mind, everybody. They were probably at a cruising altitude of, what, 30,000 feet? Also, that is not my captioning.

Oh my God. It never gets old.

There's also a similar scene with the Golden Gate Bridge. Admit it: you guys are so on board now.

Addendum: Lorenzo Lamas is also in this, something I forgot to mention in my Debbie/airplane zeal.
Tags: things i can't make up
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