Warning: this post may make me sound like a 70-year old woman with nothing better to do than watch her neighbors. I'll also warn you that I'm writing this after long since having taken my nightly sleeping pills. I'm feeling a little groggy.

But, let's face it. It's become painfully clear that in lieu of any new book news to report, the next most interesting thing around here is the ongoing saga of my ex-KGB neighbors. And without anything to report on them these last couple of days, well...the blog has remained quiet.

Since our last post, I can now report that the warning signs finally did get taken down by someone at the KGB house. In that time, I've also seen a mystery couple occasionally pull up (not in the hybrid...I actually haven't seen it since the day it came home with dealer plates). The couple goes inside, walks around, and talk out back in a language I can't understand. In my defense, I have been doing more with my life than sitting outside and waiting for chances to spy. I've been out gardening a lot this week, which is why I know all this. Here's the proof, straight from my yard:




So see? Don't judge. I am out there for legitimate reasons. Ones that give me a good view on the neighborhood's sights and sounds. And really, I do it for you, not me. Anyway, I was starting to think the HOA may have won. They put notices on our doors saying to take action if more disturbances occurred, but after their warnings to the KGB, I doubted there'd be any more disturbances. And yet...when the mystery couple showed up today as I was heading out to jog, something told me there might be a party tonight. The weather was too good to pass up.

And sure enough. An hour ago, at midnight, I found myself lying in bed, unable to sleep because of the soft bass beats of party music coming from next door. The volume is right on the edge too where it's not like, "Oh my God, my house is shaking!" but it is loud enough that I can hear it in my bedroom, which is on the opposite side of the house from them and has a white noise machine going in it. So, that's noteworthy. I was also feeling irritated in general, so I decided it was time to do what the HOA's note had recommended because clearly, none of my other neighbors had stepped up to do ti in the last two hours.

I called the police.

They were surprisingly busy, and as a non-emergency call, I was put on a hold a lot--which I feel is fair. If someone's robbing the 24-hour Starbucks down the street, that's a higher priority than technobass next door to me. Nonetheless, I explained the situation and was stunned for a moment when the officer asked, "Did you notice if they had any weapons?" Immediately, my mind started spinning with all kinds of questions. Were the suburban PD already amassing a file on these guys? Should I tell them about the non-evidence-based Soviet connections? Instead, I stupidly repeated, "Any weapons?" To which he said, "We have to ask that." I told him no, no weapons--THIS TIME--and the call soon ended, with me being listed anonymously.

And, of course, as soon as we disconnected, the music stopped.

I then had two choices. I could either go back to the quiet of my bed and a totally oblivious lolcatz or I could stay up to keep watch, in case any action happened (and blog it along the way). As you can see, I chose the latter. And lo, ten minutes ago, a cop car did come trolling around and stop outside of the house. No joke: I grabbed my camera and ran to the second floor because I knew YOU, sweet readers, would want documentation. But then one of the cops got out of the car and starting walking past my house too, and I decided I should stay away from the windows, lest they come knocking at my door.

With no disturbances to be found, the police soon drove away. I got a picture of their retreating car, but it was too dark. I'm sad it was a wasted trip for my tax dollars, but on the other hand, if more people file complaints, the KGB address really will start to catch their notice. While prowling my house, I saw that the lights were on across the street in Mr. HOA President's office, so I wonder if he witnessed tonight's drama. Admittedly, his location is best for viewing dangerous grill pyrotechnics and less likely to get the noise that my place does. Still, it'd be nice to know others are keeping notes and taking action. I find it quite likely this blog will soon have to be turned over as police evidence.

I also find it quite eerie that the music stopped as soon as I made the call. Coincidence? Is my house under Soviet military surveillance? Are the neighbors monitoring police radios? Or worse: do they have someone on the inside? Perhaps that's why they have no fear of the HOA's signs. Methinks someone down at the police station is being supplied with vodka and hockey tickets to turn a blind eye to the escapades in my neighborhood...


As a post-script before I stumble back to bed, I have two quick updates. First, Australians: make sure you again check out the contests that Penguin Australia is running for you. Time is ticking on one of them. Second, Synde has posted more Vampire Academy inspired jewelry for sale. A cool one called 'Adrian's Heart' sold earlier today. You can view sold items by looking at the right-hand sidebar. Under her info it says '[some number] items for sale' and '[some number] sales'. Clicking the second one will show you what she's made in the past, and if one's sold that you'd like, follow her contact info to request a custom piece.

Some of you may recall me talking about my on-again off-again romance with gardening. Back when I was married, I had a pretty elaborate collection of flowers at our first house, about 10 or so years ago. It was no small feat either because the subdivision had been built essentially on top of a swamp, giving that area an even greater slug population than most of Western Washington. Nonetheless, I did my best to protect my columbines and day lilies, investing in copper tape and eco-friendly slug repellent with mixed results.

For whatever reason, I kind of lost the will to build a new garden when we moved. I had a few containers that I occasionally remembered to water, and that was it. Sometime in the last year, though, I've gotten the motivation to attempt it again, and the boyfriend has been pretty indulgent about letting me use his yard as a canvas--even though he's convinced me putting 6-foot high hollyhocks in our front yard is going to get a letter from the HOA.

In looking through gardening catalogs, I've noticed a recent trend: flowers/plants that look like animals. For example, here is an Egret Flower, which as you can see, actually kind of does look like an egret flight:





A little less graceful but nonetheless compelling and eerily similar to the real thing is the aptly named Mouse Plant:





Of course, its resemblance is nothing to the equally aptly named mouse cookies. Nor, do I suspect, is the Mouse Plant anywhere near as delicious:





Anyway, in going along with our animal-themed flowers, we next have the--AHHHHHHHHH!





WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? It's a Bat Flower, that's what it is. Yikes. I'm not going to lie: that thing is creepy. I think if I saw that in my yard while walking into my house, I'd instinctively take a bat (the wooden kind) and start whacking at it--which would be a shame since it's a tropical plant that's hard to grow in the U.S. Still, when I see it, I just can't shake that feeling that it's a bug or, well, a bat getting ready to come after me.

Fortunately, if you still want to scare your neighbors with something a little easier to grow, I give you this Jack-in-the-Pulpit, also known as the Cobra Lily.





The Cobra Lily should not be confused with Cobra Commander's concubine. And while it's a little less scary than the Bat Lily, I'm pretty sure that if I were out working in my yard, I'd keep glancing behind me, certain that Cobra Lily was watching me and slowly approaching.

Fortunately, in a kinder, gentler world, not all flowers are about looking like creepy predators. Unless, of course, you count these child-eating dahlias, whose potency is apparently measured in just how much larger they are than the heads of small children:





Since dahlias are prettier than Venus fly-traps, they have a much greater likelihood of luring in your neighbors' pesky kids. Plus, they bloom well into fall.

Alas, my gardening choices are going to be a bit tamer than these. I feel downright boring, but let's face it, I don't want have to watch my back while out working in the yard. As a sidenote for those now hoping to fill their gardens with bat flowers, I'll put in a plug for Van Bourgondien Flowers, the website that all of these pics (cookies aside) came from. This is the place that sold me the awesome daffodils I frequently mention on Facebook, and I'm pretty sure those things are hardy enough to survive a nuclear holocaust, considering all they've been through this winter. So keep VB in mind for all your pretty and/or predatory flower needs. Good stuff, good prices.