I'm kind of surprised at the reaction that the news about my KGB neighbors' return got around here (and on the other social networking sites). I hadn't realized how popular they were! I kind of want to make them their own fan page. The latest update is pretty tame. For the last couple days, there's been a van in their driveway and some guy doing maintenance outside the house with a very loud machine. I got a good look into the backyard today to see what was going on and discovered...there is no grass back there.

No. Grass. It all appeared to be very hard packed mulch. I thought this was some new development, but my husband told me today it's always been that way. He actually thought it was some kind of deck material instead of mulch. Naturally, the only way to figure out this mystery was to take neighbor snooping to the ultimate level and look at their house via satellite on Bing Maps. Sure enough: their grassless backyard stood out in our neighborhood, but we're still not sure what it's made of or what its purpose is. We're also still not sure why the van is here, but if someone's there to take care of the house, I really hope they hang up Christmas lights. Red ones.

Okay, here's the other news in the world, and it's good. Remember the poll where people voted on where my next book signings would be? The tour that got postponed from November? Well, it's officially booked for January, and here's the itinerary.

Saturday, January 16 - 5pm - New Orleans, LA
Octavia Books
513 Octavia St.
New Orleans, LA 70115
(504) 899-7323

Sunday, January 17 - 5pm - Miami, FL
Coral Gables Congregational Church
3010 De Soto Blvd.
Miami, FL
*Event is being run by Books and Books but is being held at the church because of space. The store will be there selling books, and questions should be directed to them: (305) 442-4408

Monday, January 18 - 7pm - New York, NY
Barnes and Noble Tribeca
97 Warren St.
New York, NY 10007
(212) 587-5389

Tuesday, January 19 - 7pm - Long Island, NY
Borders Westbury
1260 Old Country Road
Westbury, NY 11590
(516) 683-8700

Rules about signings and book limits are listed over at my calendar page. As always, whenever I post appearances, I get people asking why I can't come to their cities. The answer's the same, I'm afraid: I can't be everywhere. My publisher is the one who arranges my tour schedule, and they try to get me around where they can. We're limited, though, and remember--when I'm out touring, I'm not writing. :) There'll be a big tour for Spirit Bound in May, so I'll be in more places then.

Last note: I'll be autographing mail orders at University Bookstore again tomorrow (Friday), which is probably the last chance people will have to get signed books delivered before Christmas. So, get your order in ASAP if you want holiday books. Instructions are here, and remember, you have to tell them you want books signed. It doesn't happen automatically.

Phew, lots of news today. Let's hope the KGB neighbors do put up some lights so that I have news for tomorrow! I think some reindeer would look great on their lawn. Er, lack of lawn.

You guys, there's activity at the KGB house next door. I've heard noise all day and thought it was the neighborhood landscapers. Then, I just looked out the window and noticed a van in the driveway and ladders against the house. This is the first movement we've seen from these neighbors since the Home Owners Association declared war months ago. Updates to follow as this situation develops!

Now that I have your attention, let me first say that there's nine new pieces of Vampire Academy jewelry over at Synde's Store, including some of the much-coveted element bracelets. Get 'em while they're hot! And stay tuned for a special promotion from Synde when the Blood Promise chapter goes up this weekend.

Okay. Back to the post topic. People have been asking about my neighbors for a while now, wondering what crazy shenanigans they were up to. For those just tuning in, the short version is that the house next door is owned by a minor Russian celebrity who's never around but who lets his friends periodically crash there and party. The full epic can be read if you click the 'neighbors' tag at the end of this post.

So, here's the latest. The neighbors are...gone. When I first mentioned them here, I pointed out that they usually only stayed a couple days and then went months between visits. This last time, I thought for sure they were here for good. Between the lawn care, talking to the mail guy, and getting a new car, it seemed like a permanent move. Nope. Not long after my post about their partying bringing down the wrath of the HOA, lolcatz and I noticed them packing up lawn furniture into a car. A day or so later, they were nowhere to be seen. The house is now deserted and silent.

What's the story here? I can't say for sure. It's possible the HOA's shakedown drove them away. Or, perhaps the HOA somehow got in touch with the owner, who then kicked his friends out. Maybe other neighbors called the police. Or, most likely, it was just time for them to move on in their usual way. Guys like these probably can't stay in one place too long, so they just take their patio furniture to the next location, party there, and keep on keepin' on. For all I know, they're in Reno or Cleveland by now.

I'll miss the blog material they provided, but I won't miss the pop synth/1980s R&B music playing at 1am. This does, of course, mean that I've lost my chance at getting invited to one of their hot tub parties, but if history's any indication, someone will eventually be back to that house. That hot tub's not going to maintain itself.

First off, I feel the need to clear up some info about my trip to Blockbuster. Some people were shocked I went into a real video store, and many suggested Netflix or whatnot for True Blood. I'm actually a subscriber to Blockbuster's online service, and I get 99% of my movies through the mail. But, TB is pretty backed up with them, and after my luck last week with finding so much TB in at the store, I wanted to do the mail-order-trade-in they let you do. So, yeah, I'm a big believer in the online services. And iTunes in a pinch.

Second, the Dmitri working at Blockbuster is not a clone of the Dimitri in my books. So, no, I'm not giving up his location if you want to see him. :) Sorry to those of you who have been emailing about it and asking! And many thanks to those of you who weighed in about Russian martial arts and sent pics of Comrade Winnie the Pooh. Good times.

Succubus Blues sold publishing rights in Poland! Go Eastern Europe!

Bitten By Books, who delights in testing my nerves and competitive nature, has nominated Dimitri for their "I'm Too Sexy Poll". I will say no more.

The ex-KGB neighbors are continuing to load stuff into their cars...

And lastly, I now know the cities I'll be visiting for my Blood Promise tour in late August/Early September. Now, before I give you these, I want to state again for those whose cities I won't be in that 1. It's impossible for me to visit every place, and 2. These are set up by my awesome publisher, who has really good connections to some fun bookstores in these cities. It's out of my control, and I'm so sorry if I can't visit you.

***I'll be providing store names and addresses later, but at a glance, here are the dates and cities.*** I've listed the larger metro area first and then the actual signing spot after it, if it's in a suburb or smaller city. Alpharetta folks--take note. Your signing changed from 9/2 to 9/3.

August 25---Seattle, WA
August 26---Los Angeles, CA (Upland)
August 27---San Francisco, CA
August 28---Denver/Boulder, CO
August 29---Houston and Austin, TX
August 31---Detroit, MI (Birmingham)
September 1---Chicago, IL (Naperville)
September 2---Lexington, KY
September 3---Alpharetta, GA
September 4-7---Atlanta, GA (DragonCon)
September 8---Baltimore, MD (Ellicott City)
September 9---Washington, DC (Fairfax, VA)
September 10---Boston, MA (Burlington)
September 12-19---Australia (Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney) Schedule TBA

Thank you so, so much to my wonderful team at Razorbill for sending me to these places. I am so grateful and honored for their support with my career and appreciate all these wonderful events they've arranged! I hope if any of you live near these places, you'll come visit. And if I don't see you, hang in there for another time, and remember you can always get me to sign books for you via University Bookstore--who's taking pre-orders for Blood Promise now.

I'm kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel for neighbor news, but I'll give you what I've got today. Nothing reportable's happened in the world of publishing either that I can think of off the top of my head (I mentioned selling Hungarian, Bulgarian, and Slovenian rights, yes?).

I was driving to the post office and video store yesterday, and as I was leaving, I saw the hybrid back in the KGB driveway. Also: their garage door was open, finally allowing me to (sort of) see into the depths of their lair. It was pretty much empty. Immaculate even. I've never seen a garage so devoid of junk. Ours certainly isn't. Two things stood out, though: huge, industrial strength vacuum cleaners. What does that signify? What evidence are they sweeping under the rug, so to speak? I honestly don't know, and my writer's mind can't even think of anything witty. I leave that to you guys.

But here's what's truly interesting. When I got home a little bit later, another car was there in the driveway and two guys were loading things into one of the cars. What kind of things? Lawn/patio furniture. Huh. When I first told you about these guys, I mentioned that they were migratory and usually only stayed for a couple of weeks. So...are they packing up and moving on? Does the removal of backyard furniture mean the end of their wild outdoor parties? Has the HOA won? Or are my neighbors simply upgrading to new and better furniture? Hard to say. Our weather's turned bad, and the parties only happen when it's nice, so I guess we'll have to wait for a better day to get some answers.

And since I can't seem to escape Eastern Europe, I had another odd experience yesterday. I was at the video store, seeking out the next disc in True Blood. The last time I'd been there, I was astonished to see they practically had stacks of them to the ceiling. This time? Cleaned out. I double-checked with the guy at the counter to make sure none were lurking, and he said no. As I was leaving, he asked, "Your shirt, it says Thundercats?" I was indeed wearing a Thundercats shirt and replied, "Yeah! Did you watch it?" He told me he hadn't, and I laughed and told him he made me feel old. That wasn't really an out-there statement, seeing as he looked like he was in high school, meaning Thundercats would have been on and gone before he was born.

He then said: "In my country, we did not have it." That's when I realized he had an accent and that his nametag said--wait for it--Dmitri. He added, "We had what is the Russian Winnie the Pooh." I suddenly felt very uncomfortable and didn't know what to say. So, I said the only thing I could, "Oh." Uneasy laugh. "Have a good night." I then smiled and left, feeling inexplicably guilty since the capitalist messages of Thundercats would have probably been banned in the Soviet Era--though, again, he would have been too young for that anyway. But what was up with the Winnie the Pooh comment? I still don't get that. Was he saying that was their only cartoon? Or was he saying they had some show that was like Winnie the Pooh and was their equivalent to ours?

I have no answers to any of today's questions. Worse, I recently learned there's some kind of unique Russian martial arts style that would have certainly been useful in, say, a book about a badass Russian fighter. For someone whose career relies heavily on writing about Eastern European/Russian culture, I'm hopelessly ignorant--at least if my neighbors and Blockbuster employees are any indication. I'm left only with stereotypes and half-truths...and a blog probably becoming offensive to those of Eastern European descent. What to do?

Warning: this post may make me sound like a 70-year old woman with nothing better to do than watch her neighbors. I'll also warn you that I'm writing this after long since having taken my nightly sleeping pills. I'm feeling a little groggy.

But, let's face it. It's become painfully clear that in lieu of any new book news to report, the next most interesting thing around here is the ongoing saga of my ex-KGB neighbors. And without anything to report on them these last couple of days, well...the blog has remained quiet.

Since our last post, I can now report that the warning signs finally did get taken down by someone at the KGB house. In that time, I've also seen a mystery couple occasionally pull up (not in the hybrid...I actually haven't seen it since the day it came home with dealer plates). The couple goes inside, walks around, and talk out back in a language I can't understand. In my defense, I have been doing more with my life than sitting outside and waiting for chances to spy. I've been out gardening a lot this week, which is why I know all this. Here's the proof, straight from my yard:




So see? Don't judge. I am out there for legitimate reasons. Ones that give me a good view on the neighborhood's sights and sounds. And really, I do it for you, not me. Anyway, I was starting to think the HOA may have won. They put notices on our doors saying to take action if more disturbances occurred, but after their warnings to the KGB, I doubted there'd be any more disturbances. And yet...when the mystery couple showed up today as I was heading out to jog, something told me there might be a party tonight. The weather was too good to pass up.

And sure enough. An hour ago, at midnight, I found myself lying in bed, unable to sleep because of the soft bass beats of party music coming from next door. The volume is right on the edge too where it's not like, "Oh my God, my house is shaking!" but it is loud enough that I can hear it in my bedroom, which is on the opposite side of the house from them and has a white noise machine going in it. So, that's noteworthy. I was also feeling irritated in general, so I decided it was time to do what the HOA's note had recommended because clearly, none of my other neighbors had stepped up to do ti in the last two hours.

I called the police.

They were surprisingly busy, and as a non-emergency call, I was put on a hold a lot--which I feel is fair. If someone's robbing the 24-hour Starbucks down the street, that's a higher priority than technobass next door to me. Nonetheless, I explained the situation and was stunned for a moment when the officer asked, "Did you notice if they had any weapons?" Immediately, my mind started spinning with all kinds of questions. Were the suburban PD already amassing a file on these guys? Should I tell them about the non-evidence-based Soviet connections? Instead, I stupidly repeated, "Any weapons?" To which he said, "We have to ask that." I told him no, no weapons--THIS TIME--and the call soon ended, with me being listed anonymously.

And, of course, as soon as we disconnected, the music stopped.

I then had two choices. I could either go back to the quiet of my bed and a totally oblivious lolcatz or I could stay up to keep watch, in case any action happened (and blog it along the way). As you can see, I chose the latter. And lo, ten minutes ago, a cop car did come trolling around and stop outside of the house. No joke: I grabbed my camera and ran to the second floor because I knew YOU, sweet readers, would want documentation. But then one of the cops got out of the car and starting walking past my house too, and I decided I should stay away from the windows, lest they come knocking at my door.

With no disturbances to be found, the police soon drove away. I got a picture of their retreating car, but it was too dark. I'm sad it was a wasted trip for my tax dollars, but on the other hand, if more people file complaints, the KGB address really will start to catch their notice. While prowling my house, I saw that the lights were on across the street in Mr. HOA President's office, so I wonder if he witnessed tonight's drama. Admittedly, his location is best for viewing dangerous grill pyrotechnics and less likely to get the noise that my place does. Still, it'd be nice to know others are keeping notes and taking action. I find it quite likely this blog will soon have to be turned over as police evidence.

I also find it quite eerie that the music stopped as soon as I made the call. Coincidence? Is my house under Soviet military surveillance? Are the neighbors monitoring police radios? Or worse: do they have someone on the inside? Perhaps that's why they have no fear of the HOA's signs. Methinks someone down at the police station is being supplied with vodka and hockey tickets to turn a blind eye to the escapades in my neighborhood...


As a post-script before I stumble back to bed, I have two quick updates. First, Australians: make sure you again check out the contests that Penguin Australia is running for you. Time is ticking on one of them. Second, Synde has posted more Vampire Academy inspired jewelry for sale. A cool one called 'Adrian's Heart' sold earlier today. You can view sold items by looking at the right-hand sidebar. Under her info it says '[some number] items for sale' and '[some number] sales'. Clicking the second one will show you what she's made in the past, and if one's sold that you'd like, follow her contact info to request a custom piece.

Those of you who are enjoying the epic of my ex-KGB neighbors will love this.

There are many reasons I like having lolcatz in my life. One of them is that he manages to take covert photographs of our neighborhood while ostensibly going to get the mail:





Yep, there it is. The home of our partying neighbors whose involvement in the former Soviet military I still can't actually verify, but which seems like a foregone conclusion. As you can see, the boyfriend's covert camera work revealed that the HOA posted their sternly-worded letter not once, but TWICE on the house. We hadn't noticed that the other night (see previous post if you missed part 2 of this tale). Yet, as of the writing of this post, the letters have not moved. In fact, the house's stillness seems to indicate that no one is around.

locatz's reconnaissance was so good that he actually managed to get a shot of the letter's contents. I swear, I couldn't have been happier if he brought me home flowers. Let's go through it together and see just how my neighborhood's HOA enforces justice to those who would disturb our tranquility.





Okay. This is expected. The letter starts off right to the point, stating the problem at hand. But HOA, how can you really convey how serious you are and how you'd like the KGB to respond?





Holy crap. This is the real deal. That's an actual picture of the letter, and those misspellings are not mine. I feel like the red ink really drives home the message--and subtly lets the KGB know that we know what they are. The total slaughtering of "immediately" also emphasizes the matter's urgency because there was apparently no time to add an 'm' or even use a spell checker.

The letter then digresses into some technical language about the neighborhood's rules that all residents are subject to as far as noise and hours are concerned. I don't think our neighborhood rules mention anything about mile-high flames shooting up from grills, but the HOA wants to make sure that's drawn attention to as well.





More technical language then ensues, including how the police are going to be called in if any of these objectional behaviors continue after 9pm. It even adds that this police policy is going to be enforced as of that letter's print day.

Finally, the letter concludes with an important message so that the KGB will know just exactly what kind of community they are living in:





Oh, man. Mr. President is coming down hard. But how do you close a letter like this with true impact?





An exclamation point.

Now, I confess, this wasn't quite the...how shall we say...professionally worded letter I was expecting, but it does certainly highlight the main concern. While I didn't enjoy staying awake until 1am one night because of the music, I'm still kind of glad that Mr. President was the first one who went over there to talk to them. That way, lolcatz and I don't look like the chief complainers. Nonetheless, I'd feel better if we had a slightly more explanatory ending to the letter, just so I don't find my house laced with C4 someday.

So, I've helpfully drafted this potential ending to the letter:





That's only hypothetical, of course, and just like before, the ball is now in the KGB's court. Again, though, I don't get the feeling they're even in the house at the moment, whichs begs the question: where do they go when not having parties? Or are they leaving the notes up as a sign of defiance against the neighborhood? Only time will tell.

I mentioned it on Facebook, but Friday was Mark Henry's birthday, so I'll once again shout him out some well wishes. Last night he had a proper party, so the boyfriend and I trekked down to the southern Puget Sound area, along with some other Seattle-ites, to enjoy the use of the Henry industrial strength grill and lovely home. Good times ensued, naturally--along with some martinis that looked like good times but really weren't. Yet people still kept drinking.

And speaking of parties, guess who has also been having some? Yep, my neighbors (whose roles in the former Soviet army are still currently unknown) had three late-night parties within the last week, as well as a minor flaring of techno music this afternoon. I'm not sure if that counts as a party or not. Regardless, it turns out we're not the only ones in the neighborhood being kept up at night by these shenanigans.

The neighborhood HOA's president stopped by just before we headed out tonight. He wanted to know if we'd noticed any of the noise and other goings-on next door. We told him we had (which he would already know if he was a fan and/or blog reader of mine). He'd apparently been surveying other houses on the block, so it wasn't a real surprise to hear about others with noise complaints--particularly the house on the other side of the KGB one. We hear a lot of stuff, and we're not even next to the part of their yard with the hot tub and barbecue. I imagine it's ten times worse on that side.

And apparently, it could be worse in so many other ways. Mr. President (who lives opposite my house) was sitting in his office the other night during one of the parties and saw flames shoot up into the sky from the KGB grill. Panicked the neighborhood would be engulfed in fire, he ran across the street and demanded to know what was going on. The terse response: "Barbecuing."

Mr. President was vague in describing the rest of the encounter that night, but there's a vibe that it may not have been friendly. He verified for us that this is not the minor Russian celebrity owner residing there. Apparently, said owner also has a minor Russian beauty queen wife, and if she were around, "we'd all notice." But no one seems sure if the current house's occupants are friends, renters, or squatters.

Regardless, they've now drawn the formidable attention of the HOA because fire hazards and loud noise are not an acceptable pairing in Seattle's eastside suburbs. And if ever there was a group capable of taking on the elite, covert training of the former Soviet military, it's a homeowners association. HOAs were designed for the kind of big-muscled yet ultimately passive-aggressive warfare that defined the Cold War era. Mr. President said the rest of the HOA board would be discussing the matter and that they might even get the police involved. Quote: "If I have to come down on these guys, I'm coming down hard."

And indeed, when we got back from Mark's tonight, we saw that the HOA had already drawn first blood: there was a typed letter taped to the ex-KGB's front door. Oh, BURN! I'm sure it was stern and well-written, but no way was I going to snoop around their front yard in the dark to read it.

KGB neighbors? Your move.

People who follow me on Twitter have probably heard me make comments about my "ex-KGB neighbors." I figured I should probably set the record straight once and for all, and since it's a tale that can't be told in Twitter's 140 characters, this is the place to do it.

The house next door to lolcatz and me is owned by a minor Russian celebrity. He apparently has more than one home, though, because the house has spent most of the last two years unoccupied. Here's how things usually work. A few months go by with no activity. Then, a group of big, intimidating Russian guys show up in a van or truck and stay for a couple days. They do unknown things inside the house, check the yard, clean out the hot tub, and stand around outside and smoke. When greeted or spoken to, they merely respond with a small, cool nod. Then, they get in their vehicle, and we see no activity for another few months. You can therefore understand our immediate logical leap to the KGB.

Well, recently, something changed. I was eating lunch one day and suddenly heard the dulcet sounds of Heavy D & The Boyz' "Now That We Found Love" being blasted outside. I didn't know for certain, but somehow, I doubted our elderly HOA president neighbor was the one rocking out to one-hit-wonder hip-hop on a Tuesday afternoon. Sure enough. A little investigation found that it was one of the ex-KGB guys out in the back, cleaning the hot tub. It was that time again, though I'd never noticed their quarterly maintenance being set to music before.

Yet, as more days passed, I heard more and more 80s and early 90s music because the guys...were sticking around. And they weren't just doing basic maintenance. There was some hardcore home-care going on, including days of extensive hedge trimming that knocked tons of branches into our yard. This was kind of annoying, but seriously...would you go complain to guys that might possibly be ex-Soviet military? Not me. Then, while I was out getting the mail one day, one of them approached me. And he spoke. Not just the head nod. There was a slight language barrier, but it turned out he knew about the branches in our yard and wanted my permission to go back there and clean them up. He was pretty nice.

When a shiny, brand-new hybrid car showed up in their driveway a few days later, we knew the truth. Someone--if not the owner--was here to stay. When you buy a hybrid sedan, you're making a commitment to suburbia. And sure enough, the house has now been occupied for over a month. We can verify this because they like to have parties. A lot. More than once a week. Even as I type this, I can hear the music from the latest one. I'm not really annoyed by this; the music never keeps me awake. Mostly I'm wondering how I can get invited to these parties because let's face it, guys. Partying in a hot tub with vodka and former Soviet secret police sounds a lot cooler than blogging on a Friday night. Plus, I wouldn't have to keep asking people on the internet for help with Russian translation in Vampire Academy.

So, to summarize, I don't know if the owner's back or if he just let his friends move in. Regardless, I need to figure out how to get friendly with them. Maybe when the Russian editions of Succubus Blues or Vampire Academy come out, I can bring a copy over with a plate of cookies. Or maybe if I did more yard work, I'd run into them more often and strike up a conversation. Of course, if I actually spend too much time outdoors, I'm afraid I might discover that that nice guy was actually installing a surveillance system in my yard. This might be one of those times when ignorance really is bliss.

The Q&A contest wraps up tonight! I'll post winners and answers by Monday--unless I get invited to a hot tub party beforehand.