Back in college, I had a website. Those of you under 20 are thinking, "Yeah, so what? Everyone does." But, my darlings, this was in 1995. Back when Yahoo could actually put its entire collection of cataloged sites into a few pages. Along with a self-love bio homepage, I maintained an Against Video Games Homepage and a Goat Fan Homepage. And despite the limited number of web users back then, I got a surprising amount of hate mail from all of these. And it was hilarious.

Nowadays, I don't get all that much hate mail. Actually...I get fan mail, which is really nice. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, rather than angry and snarky. Lest you think I'm touting my own awesomeness, I assure you, I don't wake up to a fan-filled inbox. In fact, I figured I'd share with you what I found today.

To: Richelle Mead
From: news@tarot.com
Subject: Mars, the warrior planet, wants to expand your power now

Holy cow! That's a lot to throw at me first thing in the morning. I had no idea Mars--I mean, Mars the warrior planet--had any interest in me, let alone knew who I was.

Big happenings in the sky right now -- expansive Jupiter is energizing red-hot Mars! Master astrologer Jeff Jawer encourages you to "use this time to explore your inner landscape and discover untapped power sources that inspire you to make changes and expand your horizons."

Okay, hold on here. Not only does Mars the warrior planet want me to expand my power, but now this Jeff guy does too? Is he that guy who keeps showing up at my signings? And, oh, FYI - it's worth noting that all the bolding here is theirs, not mine.

We've developed a great new tool to help you explore your personal power and heroic potential.

Really? Like some kind of rune-covered, crystal-encrusted staff? Or a sword? I'd dig a sword. Or a rain stick. Or a tiara. Ooohhh...please, please let it be a tiara.

Tarot.com's Mars Power Report.

Oh.

In light of contemporary Mars theory, this report explains how you can use Mars to develop courage, self-confidence and independence.

So...is that like string theory? Or evolutionary theory? And when Mars theory is taught in school, does Venus theory have to be given equal time?

With this insight, and a little hard work, you will turn obstacles into your greatest strengths. Take advantage of your personal power for a more fulfilled life -- where YOU are in charge! Don't wait any longer ... activate your personal Mars energy now.

Well. Ok. This sounds serious. What do I have to do?

For a limited time, the Mars Power Report is on sale for just $6.95...

I see. Well, I don't know if I want to spend $6.95. Is there anything else I can do to get one of these?

...or 60 Karma Coins® (KCs) -- that's over 10% off!

Huh. Not feeling this. Any parting pitches that might convince me?

Here's to the hero within you!

Um, try again.

If you know anyone who could use a boost of self-confidence, this report makes a great gift!

So, there you have it, guys. I don't get hate mail anymore, but my inbox still has a lot of things to shake my head over. Of course, I should point out that the reason I get mail like this is because I subscribed to their mailing list.

Oh, yeah. This was also in my inbox today, from my editor:

I have bound galleys of SUCCUBUS ON TOP to send you.

Bound galleys, for those not in the know, are basically ARCs. Let the bribing commence.